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A "writer" who sucks at writing and too much of a wimp to post it.

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MadelineVonRose14
isabel
Artist | Student | Literature
United States
15. Chicago. INTJ. I love to write, I'm interested in film/screenwriting, film analysis, cinematography analysis, pastel/cute and morbid/monochrome things. My dream is to go into psychology or work on a movie or something... i'm also weebo trash lmao
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well summer has been uneventful but in a summer kind of way. you feel? Like, the block parties you don't want to participate in so you go to your friend's house, the cookouts at the lake, the awkward family get togethers, being stuck in the car in 90+ heat for 2 hours trying to get to a mall, fucking mosquitoes pestering you at the park, trying to learn how to ride a bike but busting your knee on the pavement instead, fucked up sleep schedules, staying on the computer marathoning the lotr series until 5am. That sort of summer.  pleasantly uneventful.

I've learned to be quite independent. It's not that I don't have friends or don't enjoy the company of friends, it's more like I'm okay with doing things on my own. However, I need to learn how not feel like I'm a bother just because I do feel like hanging out with someone. I'm so self deprecating sometimes...like my mind is so weak and the way i speak to myself in my head is absolutely shitty...it's a really bad quality of mine. gotta work on that. I feel like I've change a lot, though.

Leaving people behind sucks. It's something that happens and i get that but people you used to know or friend's with... just sort of start disappearing or growing farther away as you grow older. it just happens.
i've found that i sometimes can't move on. physically i can. but mentally is a whole different story.

my 16th birthday is coming soon and i don't feel very excited about that. it's not that i don't like birthday's it's just they don't make me feel anything anymore. i think that's really saddening. 

Summer homework for APUSH has not been fun. like i'm not even half way through because it's fucking summer.  i start reading the textbook and then I'm like: yo look at my phone, i got a new message, i've been studying a lot (like 5min) I need brake, *ends up on the weird side of youtube 2 hours later somehow*
yeah that's my excuse. i'm probably gonna get it done on the last days of summer just wait. i'm procrastinating trASh 

Junior year will not be fun. I can feel it in my bones man, it's gonna be hell. I keep telling myself that if i can get through this year then i can probably do anything. 2 AP classes like byEEEE why did i do this to myself oh well. I'm not a "smart person" lllol. I guess I just have to *adult/mom voice* use my time WISELY. i'm good at organizing shit so i think i'll be fine in that. i can annotate the crap out of any book/paper. my problem is i hate studying like nah bruh i'm not about that life. I'm a perfectionist and a procrastinator at the same bloody time so i'm basically wrecked. i used to really like learning but school is were fun goes to die i'm seriousyo.  

Like college... idont know. i have some in mind that are quite challenging to get into but like the TUItiON holy crap nevermind

"you think i look like i got money"-  spike spiegel [cowboy bebop] 

I don't know what I'm gonna do with my life haha i'm not good at much really. Like, even if i do get into the college i want to go to, how am i gonna pay for it? will it be wORTH it? all that money, time,and  tears for piece of paper and debt. I think the best way to go about it is to stay in the state/city since it's relatively cheaper. 
i think college is all the same, in my case, since i don't have a "specific" profession i want to do. i don't want to be a doctor, go into medicine, be a lawyer, a teacher, etc. i don't have any idea. how do people come out of their mother's uterus and be like yeah i have my whole life planned the fuck out like hOw?

all i know is that i've come too far to give up to be discouraged over the uncertainty of the future. I won't give up.

 i guess my mind is strong in that sense.

[summer life rant over]
  • Mood: Artistic
  • Listening to: nivana- smells like teen spirit (such a classic)
  • Reading: the metamorphosis by Kafka + tokyo ghoul manga
  • Watching: zankyou no terror (GET HYPE) + game of thrones
  • Playing: with your feelings lmao
  • Eating: greek yogurt
  • Drinking: water

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:iconkatherine-black:
Katherine-Black Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2013  Student General Artist
Thank you very much for the watch :D
Reply
:iconmimiczka:
mimiczka Featured By Owner Nov 12, 2012  Student
Thank you for faving my work *^^*
Reply
:icontarynghost23:
tarynghost23 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Student General Artist
I tagged you ^^ [link]

Use your OCs and if you don't have all 10, just use preexisting characters.
Reply
:icontarynghost23:
tarynghost23 Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Student General Artist
Reply
:iconmadelinevonrose14:
MadelineVonRose14 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012  Student Writer
This. I like ^^

BAD WOLF
Reply
:icontarynghost23:
tarynghost23 Featured By Owner Sep 11, 2012  Student General Artist
Do you like that doctor though? The Eleventh Doctor, Matt Smith.
Reply
:iconmadelinevonrose14:
MadelineVonRose14 Featured By Owner Sep 12, 2012  Student Writer
I LOVE ALL OF THEM O______O But 10 is my favorite :D I love Captain Jack Harkness :P (Have you watched Torchwood?)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icontarynghost23:
tarynghost23 Featured By Owner Sep 3, 2012  Student General Artist
Yup lol And you better say Bow ties are Cool :D lol
Reply
:iconemilyarchor:
EmilyArchor Featured By Owner Aug 14, 2012  Student Writer
:iconrainbow-hplz: :iconrainbow-bplz: :iconrainbow-mplz:
:iconrainbow-aplz: :iconrainbow-iplz: :iconrainbow-aplz:
:iconrainbow-pplz: :iconrainbow-rplz: :iconrainbow-dplz:
:iconrainbow-pplz: :iconrainbow-tplz: :iconrainbow-eplz:
:iconrainbow-yplz: :iconrainbow-hplz: :iconrainbow-lplz:
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:iconrainbow-xplz: :iconrainbow-yplz: :iconrainbow-eplz:
:iconrainbow-oplz: :iconrainbow-xplz: :iconrainbow-oplz:
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:iconmadelinevonrose14:
MadelineVonRose14 Featured By Owner Aug 21, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you XD
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